A beautiful wedding ceremony does indeed include beautiful wedding vows. Your wedding vows can be traditional, old-fashioned, original, unique, religious, funny, poetic or romantic. They are most beautiful and poignant when they flow from your heart.Wedding vows are not necessarily about “I promise this” or “I promise that.” I invite you to consider that wedding vows are your intimate opportunity to celebrate your partner – what you love, admire and respect about your Sweetheart, what they bring to your life, and what you want this person to know on your wedding day.
Your wedding vows are also a once-in-lifetime opportunity in front of family and friends to share how you plan to show up in your marriage, what your commitment is to the relationship, and what your new husband/wife can expect from you.So, with this being said, here are 10 tips to consider/remember as you begin crafting and writing your wedding vows.
1. Go to Lunch. Yes, take your Sweetie to lunch and talk about your wedding vows. Make sure that you are both on the same page. Talk to your partner about what’s possible: Do you want to write your own vows, go with vows already written or perhaps a combination of the two? Do you want to write your vows separately or together? I love it when a couple surprises each other with wedding vows after working with me independently to insure they hold the same weight/length.
2. Take Your Time. Please don’t wait until the 11th hour to start writing your wedding vows. Start weeks if not a month or two before. Leaving your vows until the last minute will not only add to your wedding stress but may have you thinking, “Gosh, this could be better,” or “I know I could be saying and sharing this in a different or better way.”
3. This is not a performance. Creating and delivering your wedding vows isn’t about “doing it right.” It’s about doing what’s right for you. Take the pressure off by focusing on the opportunity this offers you to express your love and devotion to your Sweetheart and how you can deeply personalize your message.
4. Create Your Outline. An outline can help to establish a structure for your vows.
5. Find Your Voice.What overall tone do you want: Humorous and touching? Poetic and mushy? It’s your call - the most important thing is that your vows ring true and sound like they’re from your heart.
6. Craft Your Message, i.e., Your Vows. So, it’s time to sit down and write. Take a week or two and go through several drafts. Go to the internet for inspiration. Read the vows aloud and time them. Vows are often best when they are one page or less (double-spaced).
7. Ponder Simple Questions for Inspiration:
What is the single greatest thing about the person you are going to marry?
When did you know that you were in love/ know that this person was the one you wanted to marry?
What does marriage mean to you?
Why do you want to be a married person?
What will change about your relationship once you are married?
What will stay the same?
What is your most favorite memory of your partner?
When you were little, did you dream of your wedding day or your future spouse?
How does that vision match up (or not) with your sweetheart?
8. Save the Very Intimate Words. Sometimes there are things you want to say/share that are intensely private and are best saved for the two of you alone. Surprise your new wife/husband with “private vows” on your wedding night or the next day - words you hold for the time when you are finally alone after your wedding celebration.
9. Elegant Humor is Good! All wedding vows do not have to be serious or sentimental. They can be funny, witty, even tongue in cheek. Your wedding vows should sound like you and your partner, and how you are together in your daily interactions. Also, remember that even in wedding vows where the tone is light and sweet, great passion, love and tenderness can still shine through.
10. Share Your Vows with Your Officiant. You absolutely want to show your vows to your Officiant. Your Officiant has a lot of experience with wedding vows and hopefully will be able to assist you with a little editing and/or counsel.
